duniya bekar hai

kya sach hai kya jhoot
kaun paas hai kaun door hai
ek raah anjaani hai
mastani jawaani hai
reham hai har kisi ka
kisi ki be-parwahi hai
mohabbat ke naam par bas
humne chot hi khaayi hai
akele chal diye hai usi anjaani raah par
manjil abhi tak na humne paayi hai

kya kahei ae duniya waalo
waqt ki taraazoo par humne
jab bhi rishtey naape hai
us par khud pasandi ki boo humne paayi hai
zehar si ho rhi jindagi ko
ab alvida keh dia hai
un namurad rishtey ko
ab alvida keh dia hai

chal pade hai
hum bad chale hai
na kisi ki khabar liye
hum nikal pade hai
usi anjaani raah par
mast jawaani ka anand lekar
hum duniya ki fikr chod kar
jindagi jeene
apni manjil ki aur
chal pade hai....

Ek Ladki

Aaj ek ladki se mila mei
hasti hui ek pari se mila mei
dard ko samete hue apne andar
ek bikhri hui tasveer se bhi mila mei

Tute hue sapne dekhein
ankhon mei khoye apne dekhe
meine dard baatne ki koshish ki to
thehrav mei kayi yaadon ke jharokhe dekhe

dikhaave ki koshish kayi baar ki
usne mujhe hasaane ki koshish bhi kayi baar ki
par ek dhun jo use rula jaati thi
par ek dhun jo use rula jaati thi
woh use yaad aagyi

beh gyi saari himmat wahi uski ankhon se
mei bas use aise hi dekhta rha
samjh nhe aaya kya bolun
besudh mei hairaan rahaa

do pal mei gujar gya uska kal uski ankhon mei
dekha usne meri taraf
hasne lagi woh yaadon pei
kahan kya hoga in sab se
sabka swarg hota h
meine jee lia
ab dekha jayega
jo hoga
kadwa ek jindagi ka ghut meine bhi pee lia

mei bas dekhta rha sochta rha
uski hasi ko mei padne ki koshish karta rha
aadhi raat mei masti woh karti rhi
mei jaam bharta rha
mei jaam bharta rha

kab ankh lag gyi kab saanso ki awaaz bhi tham si gyi
pata na chala
kuch na smjha usne bhi aur mere baalon mei hath ghuma dia
chup woh bhi thi aur mei tha
puri raat ka nasha tha
aur mei sogya

dar tha use bhi ek meine mehsoos kia
aise ek anjaan k sath woh raat na gujarti
agar saal ek ya do purana hota
meine bhi subah apni galti ka ehsaas kia
suraj nikalte hi nikal gya
suroor mei chalta chala gya

hasi k peeche ka dard chupaya unhone
shayad woh bharosa bhi gavaya humne
dard sabke hote h
par aaj ek pari ko dard mei muskurate hue dekha
to khud ko prerit usse paaya humne.

Mei bhi jeelunga

माना की हम अधूरे है
तेरे बिना हम कैसे पूरे है
यह मंजिले भी अजीब है
हर दिन बदलती है

पर अब मे थक गया हूँ
अपनी उमीदो से मे हार गया हूँ
मेी गिर गया हूँ
अब संभालना नही आ रा है मेरे को

खुदा से बस एक ही दुआ है
मेरी जान ले ले
क्यूंकी दिखता मुझे अब सिर्फ़ धुआँ है..
धुआ ऐसा जो छ्ट नही रा है
मेरे मान पर छा चुका है
बस अब और रहा जाता नहीं
तेरे बिना जिया जाता नहीं
जा चुका है तू मुझसे मीलो दूर

अब कैसे आएगा तू पास मेरे
क्या कसमे
क्या वादे
सब झुटे हो रहे है
तुम अलग हो रहे हो
हम अलग हो रहे ह
चले जाओ हमसे दूर
मेरे आँसू कहीं तुमको रोक ना ले
मेरा दिल कहीं फिर तुमको रुकने पर मजबूर ना करदे
मेरे बिना ही तेरी खुशी है
मेरे बिना ही तेरी खुशी है
दर्द दिए है बहुत
मेरी भी उम्मीदे अलग थी
पर अब क्या फाय्दा
क्या फाय्दा तेरे आने का भी वापस
ना वो प्यार ह
ना मेरी इज़्ज़त है तेरी नज़रो मे
अब तो बस तन्हा इस राह पर
अकेले खड़े है
चली जा दूर
रहे तू खुश
दुआ है मेरी
तुझे मिले जिंदगी भरपूर
मेरे क्या है
मे तो जीलूनगा
तेरी खुशी क खातिर मेी भी जीलूनगा...

half happy

ek raah thi par manjil nahi thi...

parents and care

ek raasta tha par thikaana nahi tha..

gharo mei  jalte diye dekhe

to yaad aayi maa ki

roshan hota tha unka ghar

mere aane se shaam ko

ek din aaya aisa

safar par chal dia mei

"musafir" nikal gaya sadak pe

leke kashti lehro par

ufanti lehro se takrakar

pahucha jab manjil ki aur

to kinara door ho gya

mei ghar se manjil se

aur halaat se majboor ho gya

dekha idhar udhar

to puri dunia thi kashmakash mei

bhai, behen, pyar aur dost ke hatho mei

bandhi thi dore nayi si unke beech mei

mei bhi unhi se jud gya...

adha khush ho gya

ma, pitaji

mei bahut bada ban gya

par adha khush reh gya....

apke bina...!!!

apka sath tha

par paas na tha

apka ehsas tha

par sath na tha

baaton ka kya fayda tha

jab aap ka sahara na tha

rupey bahut they jeb mei

par khali jeb ka bahana na tha

ma, pitaji

bas yaadon ka asra tha

mera apke paas hi thikana tha

bas chaldiya mei pata nahi kyun

khushiyo ka sansar to aapse hi tha

ashko ka kya fayda

ab mei bada ban gya

par adha khush reh gya.....

apke bina...!!!

Redefining part 2

Link to Redefining part1

Redefining part 2

hey, why you are crying, I asked Simi

You idiot, don't know how to walk on road banged your head to the truck, you moron, She said

Ohh, c'mon just saw you and it's not my fault, it's all mirror reflection there and you are so beautiful, I was unable to concentrate and ended up in Hospital, I replied.

you will never change, she said it and smile a little. I was waiting for that smile for so many years, If I go back to my memories I m incomplete without her, I and her were the master of mischief in colony, we used to steal    cookies together, play together and fight after every 10 min. from the age of 10 to 18 I was with her, then the college changes then the life and the priorities, and she was my girlfriend also during my schooling and through most of the college time but we broke up, I don't know why (my biggest mistake of life), I got another girl, she was alone, she never had a boy in his life after me but now I came to know she is getting married and I m  in dilemma what to do what no to. I remembered everything, even the smell of the skin and one day she is in front of me and crying for me.

Hey wake up dude, I heard a sweet voice of simi, she said:' see who has come to see you', It was her fiance and simi parents, I know simi parents and I was happy to see them but seeing her fiance I don't know what happen to me, I want to cry but can't, I want to go back in time and change everything but I can't coz I m not a superman.

Day by day her care makes me feel comfortable and in the evening when he came I feel jealousy, want to kill him but leave him and one fine day when I was comfortable and fit enough to go home, I woke up at 5am asked the nurse and management to prepare the bill and went home silently leaving a note behind.

Simi,

may be I m not such a great guy. may be I m not perfect but yes I m sorry for what I did to you, we can never be friends as I said in my college that we can be friends but now I know I seriously love you,and love can never be converted back to friendship I came to know,  I never respected you the way I should but now its to late to repent, wish you happy married life and have kids and don't name them the way we decided and I still have your poetry you wrote for me once.

All the best for life. Call me for any need, will always relish those childhood days.

have fun

enjoy

I love travelling, alone.

Yours 

abhishek

So, its me now only, changed the job to a travelling job to enjoy the world with my memories.

Something

Something is left behind
with no purpose
something is not with me
with no reason
the melancholy state
is here, more than usual.
alone...!!!
I don't know why
but
Something is left behind.......................


the days which were solitaire
gone like a season's another affair
peace of mind, I can found no-where
now-here,  I can sense despair...
Heart is like a stone
and there is nothing to mourn.

Something is left behind

with no purpose
something is not with me
with no reason


life is race and
it keeps on dragging me
I don't want to run

Away from this crowd
I want to live
I want peace
I want love....

am i right to feel alone

I have no one i could call

i picked up my phone and there was no miss call

I think like this every time

am i so alone...

I make you smile

I make you laugh

I make your saddest moment 

alive in a second

and now here i m

sitting in my empty room

empty mind

don't have words to write

I think like this every time

Does this make me so ALONE....

you never walk with me

you never talk to me

no text no personal meeting

i was in expectation 

and all i got is orders.

order i just follow to be with you

i feel good when you all are near me

i listen to you all

i smile inside

i laugh like a child

when you all are done

you leave me in a while

fractions of second and all are gone

gone like wind as their meaning to be good is over

work done

task done

keep smiling like this forever

so why don't i feel this way

why don't i cry 

why i share with you everything

why is the word that makes me shy

i m not a man of stone

i m not just a joker for you all

today I have no one for me 

no one at all

all i have is fake world

with big smile and small heart

you break it many times

but all i do is to fix it hard

but its like a broken candy

its like mirror with thousand reflections

every reflections has its story

story of my life

sometimes happy

sometimes far behind

Today

even after so many sacrifice

I have no one who will be happy to meet me

i have no one who say to me a mere goodbye,.............

ashk

ashk


iski uski har kisi ki najar ka asar hai
meri jindagi par har kisi ka asar hai
baatein hai kai saari
umeedo ka farak hai
kisi ki baat dil choo jaati hai - 2
kisi ka gaali dena bhi beasar hai

patthar ke dil hai
ashko ki na jane kya talab hai
mehfil ki gujarish ajeeb hai
duaayon mei bhi woh kaha asar hai
beekhra samaan hai
dil ke taraana bhi ajab hai
kashmkash mei khoye alfaaz hai
labo ko muskurana gajab hai

falak par chand hai poora aaj
uska akelapan bhi hai uske sath
patthar hai kayi bade chote
yahan rona galat hai
kehte hai hasna sabko manjoor hai
yahan dard nahi hai
yahan sab mast hai
yahan kisi ko shikan nahi
yahan sab khush hai

par rota asman bhi hai
par woh mohabbat hai jameen ke hisse ki
koi barish kehta hai koi paani
behte hai jharne bhi chattano se
dhoka kha jaate hai log use uski khoobsurti samjh ke
hasne waale ki har hasi ke peeche hai lakho gam
koi unhe samjhkar dekhe khul jayegi sare bhram

kaun kehta hai hame dard nahi hota
choto ka koi asar nahi hota
bas woh baat alag hai ki dikhate nahi
dard juban se byan kar paate nahi
atak jaata hai saara falak kaid hokar mere seene mei
ashk ke sath beh jaate hai dard kisi jameen ke kone mein
reh jaati bas thandi aahein
"musafir" ki kaha hai manjil kaha hai nigahe
dhunde jise, raastein bhi  hai unchahe
paigam hai unsuna
koi samjhe to baat hai
mera dard
koi samjhe to baat hai
behti nadiyo ke sath
beh jayengi umeede bhi
meri umeede koi samjhe to baat hai........

the day you are missing me

the day you are missing me

I got this feeling every time
someday, I'll not be there to make you smile
the day when you will need me
but i m so far away that you can't see me
than what will you do
to make yourself smile........?

A smile on your lips and a tear in your eyes.....

I was not a kind of guy
that let his feeling show
I thought that being alone
is the worst way to go
but its all enough
let me be alone
let me be by myself
all by me.........
in the most unknowable region
that no one could go

Now
today is "the day you are missing me"....

you are the one who thinks I m the fool
you all thinks I m the one that is for granted one
but its not all over
may be I smile a lot but it doesn't mean
I don't have a heart who care...
that day come
and they realizes, how irresponsible I was
one mistake and you forget it all...
and in the end it all went wrong
you leave me all alone........

time passes bye,  time goes on
you catch up an old album, an old video
saw me and laugh a lot
ask your old pal
where I was gone
and that is "the day you are missing me" a lot....

See
I had a problem that no one knows
In my last days I m all alone
I have no friends no one to talk
lying on my bed
still smiling with the memories
I don't want to share
one day I ll be gone
you will get a postcard regarding my end
but you will be unaware of the fact
where I went
where I rest with my batch mates memories
that I ll cherish even after my death...
and you won't get a hint
and even a stone can't tell
where I m lying...

expectations

"expectations"

expectations

Right or wrong
its all the matter of facts and figures
awesome and blunder
its the nature of human
what we earn, what we loose
one thing i say please don't be cruel
A word to say, a word to listen
no ear is there, no person to hear
I m just waiting that someone should listen my prayer
I m the one that fall from sky every time I expect.
just want to buy some time
that is not mine
they say I m arrogant
I m the one who is responsible
the word may be not rhyming
but its not you who should be telling this
my feelings, my emotions
who are you to put up the questions
its all expectations
sometimes high and sometimes lower
someone is never their to answer your questions of emotions
empty handed you walk back coz you expected
this life is just a puzzle
more you solve it more you scrabble...
its just a matter of time the maturity comes into action
the feelings are kept away and compromise is the new fashion...

Pain- A metaphor

" Pain- A metaphor "

something is crawling on my mind

why my heart also whine

Its out of my control

with a lost interest in life

I m on my own

loosing my way, where to go

everywhere I hear is a big NO

no more friends only sorrows

Its tough being so hollow

hollow from inside

inside i m dying

outside i m crying

and for the world 

it doesn't matter any more 

on which side lane i m lying

walking like a wind on the road

I don't want to be a leaf

that got dead when it left its home

River flowing like a silent warrior

wind like a silent storm

the rain can also be a flood

the nature can also kill us all

I m just a man 

I m alone like above all 

Its a feeling that they also feel 

but I cant take it anymore

I can see they are helpless

and always burst like volcano

I ll go in their arms and they will accept me

and one day I ll be back somewhere to take you down

and you will be hopeless and I m damn sure

but till then I m all alone 

AKASH

"An uncommon story of a boy."

When a well grown up Kid enter your house saying "Merry Christmas Aunty ji"  there is a smile that went up on our face. His name is Akash, an ordinary boy, average looks wheatish colour, average height with cake in his hand and on the black pulsar with his friend. My mumma says " beta andar to aaja bahar se hi jayega " with a usual replies of guys he says " nai aunty have to go, jaana hai jaldi mei hun ghar pe guest hai wait kar rhe hai".

With full of attitude starts his bike and went vrooooming on the bike, as a kid pulsar really fascinates me but then I look up to my bicycle with a helpless smile.

He is a good guy with not so good friends, least interested in studies and more on fun, he started investing on shares from the age of 17 or may be 18 when he was in 12th standard by stealing money from his parents purse, see most of the kids steal for a cigarette or alcohol but he steals for his own good, to support his family,  note the difference. 

He has one brother and one sister, the younger kid and the most loved one (may be). The story began when a girl broke up with him and humiliate him, he went all around the city but she went to Delhi. A usual story, but a 3 yrs relationship is worth hurting, the reason for his break up even I don't know but once I saw the girl in the delhi metro. I chased her and asked about it, but the reply is firm and cruel saying " Don't ask me,  ask his parents. his family". 

I got my reason and tell the same to akash bhai, he went silently, even I don't bother about it, but get to know about his past slowly slowly through years went on, the way they met in the empty streets of railway colony, the restaurants they visits the promises they had made.

The good, the bad everything some times by akash or by his friends or the girl and my commons friends all are telling the stories, but it effect akash a lot, he had become a more dull and depressed personality, business is ruined and he started living on alcohol.

One night I met him on the side lane after a long time, drunk and smoking, saying bhai "thank you" and fell on

 my foot ohh fuck!!! the first first word that came out of me. I immediately call my friends, take him to the nearby Hospital and he is referred to fortis, man I was out of my mind, the reports were saying that the liver is heavily damaged, then I realized that I should help him,.

After he is discharge from the hospital I help him to grow with it, check his records and send him to the "Art of living" A much improved Akash is welcomed after lots of yoga and medicine.

Two or three months later I met him and he said that " Bhai kam mast chal pada hai" I was happy to hear that and also tell my mumma about the same.

A week later I was going to my friends house and came to know that Akash is dead in an accident, man I was fell of my knees. Visited his place the scenario was totally shocking///

" Not a single guy was there to lift him up on the shoulders, alone in the dark the body is laying down on the cemented floor with white cover." The mulla ji was showing his face to everyone amazed why a Muslim is there instead of a pandit but then I heard a voice of a girl may be his sister fighting with her mother saying that his bro will be burned and the mom is saying that he should be buried. Again I was shocked

first I asked about the death,

the one or two person standing there says he is dropping his friend when a truck hits his car.

A car I replied, yes he owns a car that he bought recently and was dropping 

his friend home recently on his BIRTHDAY.

tears rolled down my cheeks and then I asked about what all this fight about, the guy is born to Hindu family but his mother runaway with his lover who is a Muslim. Court case is filed and the women win the possession of kids, his elder brother is on his way to the city.

came to know that his brother and sister has left mom and only he is living with her.

I got a call from that girl and shut off it saying don't worry stay happy, now you don't have anyone who will tease you and don't cry.

The rotory van came and take him for the cremation according to Hindus mythology.

Today is his B day and I still don't know whom do I blame for it.

A wish

"A wish"

I don't need a smile of you that is not mine...
I don't need your concern that is not by heart...
I can't see anything in your eyes...A blank space of mine..

Its all about time I wanted from you, but you was running out of time...
you were not there when I needed you and I m the one who apologize...

I feel so alone....

with all the leftovers of you..
I cried like a rainfall of the pain..
missing you like hell
why I m the one who regrets...

Its all about the space you needed I gave it to you..
You want to be on your own, wants freedom I gave it to you...
I fight for you, expected something from you
but it all ended....

closing my eyes a tear of you rolled down my cheeks...
cold air surround me with a cool breeze...
you are a part of my life i ll never forget
its all the matter of time that you are not here...
but why this sacrifice for me , she should tell me ...

[pause]
now I m the one who is repenting.
and in the heaven she is resting....
now I know the love
I remember all the promise, I remember everything
I m aiming towards our dreams
I need you why you left me
I m missing you
I am all alone

I m all alone blaming myself...
I was not there when she needed me the most...
I m waiting for you, a wish that can never come true crying like hell...
but
I m still waiting n waiting n waiting for you to come and give me a hug...
A wish that can never turn true...